Building trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether with a friend, a colleague, or a customer. Yet, in business, trust often takes a backseat to sales quotas and aggressive pitches. But what if the key to unlocking long-term customer trust and success wasn’t about always closing the deal but knowing when not to?
Customer Success Managers (CSMs) aren’t salespeople. Their job isn’t to hit revenue targets, it’s to ensure the customer achieves their goals, even if that means advising against a sale. Counterintuitive? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely. Sometimes, the most trust-building thing you can do is say, “This product isn’t the right fit for you,” or even point them to a competitor. This honesty builds emotional trust, creates respect, and solidifies a long-term relationship that money can’t buy.
Trust is Earned in the Absence of Self-Interest
The essence of trust lies in putting the other person’s best interests ahead of your own. Customers are savvy; they can sense when someone is trying to sell them something they don’t need. On the flip side, when you step back, take the time to listen, and recommend what’s genuinely best for them, even if it means forgoing a sale, it sends a powerful message: “I’m here for you, not for my commission.”
One of my first lessons in this came during my retail days at Software Etc., back in 1988. Software stores in the mall were still a rarity; few people were shopping for software or games at the time. Software Etc. was founded by Leonard Riggio (who passed away in August 2024), the primary stockholder for Barnes & Noble. Babbage’s, a competitor then, was founded in Dallas a few years earlier in 1984. Eventually, these companies would merge, along with Electronics Boutique, forming EB Games, which GameStop acquired in 2005. Interestingly, I worked for all of these companies—Software Etc., Electronics Boutique, EB Games, and GameStop—throughout my retail career. It was a lot of retail experience, but I rarely discuss it.
Customers would walk into Software Etc. asking for a specific product, but sometimes, what they thought they needed wasn’t the right solution. If we didn’t carry the product or I felt it wasn’t in their best interest, I would often recommend they visit a competitor. My district manager hated this approach, but those same customers kept coming back and asking for me by name. Why? Because I earned their trust by putting their needs first.
If we didn’t carry the product or I felt it wasn’t in their best interest, I would often recommend they visit a competitor. My district manager hated this approach, but those same customers kept coming back and asking for me by name. Why? Because I earned their trust by putting their needs first.
This principle carried over to my time at Google. When engaging with potential clients, I often started conversations with, “I’m not here to sell you anything. I don’t care what you buy. I want to ensure you can build what your customers ask.” By focusing on their customers’ success, I built a reputation for honesty and reliability. Clients knew I wasn’t there to push a product but to help them succeed.
The Emotional Intelligence of Tough Love
True trust-building requires emotional intelligence, understanding, and managing emotions while empathizing with others. But it also requires something many people shy away from tough love.
Tough love means having honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations. It means saying, “This isn’t the right product for you,” or “You’re not ready for this solution yet.” It’s not about being brutal; it’s about being authentic. Customers respect honesty, even when it’s hard to hear, because it shows you prioritize their long-term success over short-term gains.
Here’s the thing: people remember how you made them feel. They’ll trust you when you show that you care about their success, even when it means stepping back. That trust isn’t just transactional; it becomes the foundation of a lasting, meaningful relationship.
Saying No as an Entrepreneur or Startup
For entrepreneurs and startups, saying no to potential customers may feel like a stupid choice, especially when every sale seems critical to survival. The desperation to generate revenue often leads to knee-jerk decisions to onboard anyone willing to pay. However, this approach can distract fledgling businesses from focusing on their ideal customers, diluting their brand and wasting precious resources. By saying no to mismatched opportunities, startups can stay laser-focused on serving their target audience, refining their offerings, and building a reputation for authenticity. In the long run, this discipline attracts the right customers who align with your values and are more likely to become loyal advocates.
The Insurance Company Workshop
One of my most memorable experiences with this approach involved an insurance company. I built a rapport with their team through several honest and straightforward conversations. When the time came for a leadership workshop involving all their C-level executives and VPs, they made one stipulation: no salespeople allowed. They specifically requested that only I attend.
Their reason was simple: they trusted me. They knew I wasn’t there to persuade them or push a product. I was there to help them succeed. This decision frustrated our sales team, who had worked on this account for over a year without connecting with the CEO or other senior leaders. Yet, my focus on trust and authenticity opened doors they couldn’t.
The workshop didn’t just solidify our relationship; it set the stage for future collaborations. By prioritizing their success over our sales agenda, I demonstrated the power of trust-driven engagement.
Trust is the Gateway to Long-Term Success
Saying no to a sale or advising against a product might feel counterintuitive, especially in a culture that often equates success with numbers on a balance sheet. But here’s the paradox: the trust you build by prioritizing the customer’s needs will lead to more significant opportunities in the future.
Trust isn’t a transactional asset, it’s relational. When customers trust you, they return. They recommend you to others. They invite you into their strategic conversations, knowing you’ll offer honest advice. When they eventually compare alternatives, they’ll choose you, not because you sold them something, but because you helped them.
Emotional Trust as a Differentiator
In an era where customers have endless options, emotional trust is your most significant differentiator. It’s what makes you stand out in a crowded marketplace. Competitors can replicate your product but can’t replicate the trust you’ve built through authentic, customer-focused interactions.
To build emotional trust:
- Listen Intently: Understand what the customer truly needs. Don’t assume, ask.
- Be Transparent: Say so if your product isn’t the right fit. It’s better to lose a sale than lose trust.
- Follow Through: If you promise to help, deliver on that promise, even if it doesn’t directly benefit you.
- Empathize: Understand the customer’s perspective and align your recommendations with their goals.
These actions aren’t just good business practices, they’re how you build lasting relationships.
The Long-Term View of Customer Trust and Success
Customer Success isn’t about closing deals but enabling customers to achieve their goals. I’ve made a few enemies with sales reps, but I’ve made as many lasting relationships from much larger deals than they expected. The challenge for many salespeople is that this perspective shifts the focus from short-term wins to long-term partnerships. It’s not about squeezing the most revenue out of a customer today; it’s about creating value that sustains the relationship over time.
This might mean advising customers to wait before implementing a solution or guiding them toward a competitor if your offering doesn’t meet their needs. While this may seem like a loss at the moment, it’s an investment in the relationship. Customers remember the people who helped them, not just the ones who sold to them.
Trust Isn’t Just Earned, It’s Maintained
Building trust is only the first step. Maintaining it requires consistency, authenticity, and a commitment to doing what suits the customer. Every interaction is an opportunity to reinforce that trust or erode it.
This means staying honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means prioritizing the customer’s needs over your sales goals. And it means being willing to walk away from a deal when it’s not in the customer’s best interest.
Final Thoughts: Trust Over Transactions
The power of trust lies in its authenticity. Customers who know you’re genuinely invested in their success return for your product, guidance, expertise, and honesty.
It’s not always easy to prioritize trust over transactions. It requires emotional intelligence, courage, and a willingness to play the long game. But the rewards, loyal customers, meaningful relationships, and long-term success are worth it.
Trust isn’t just a strategy; it’s the foundation of Customer Success. It turns a business transaction into a partnership and a customer into a lifelong advocate. And sometimes, building that trust means knowing when to say no.
Are you ready to build trust that fosters loyalty and long-term relationships? Join my workshop or schedule a consultation to explore how honest, customer-centric strategies can transform your approach to Customer Success.